She is troubled, and in need of help, and deserving of health and happiness, and a victim of abuse, and traumatized, and strong, and cold, and heartbroken, and cruel, and lonely, and loving, and angry, and hurting. She is possibly one of the most complex female characters I have ever seen in non-adult fiction.
She suffers from PTSD and doesn't know how to deal with it.
Her trauma
Nesta was isolating herself quite a bit in the beginning of ACOWAR. She wanted nothing to do with anybody, and also isolated Elain with her. She had a sort of ally in that regard.
Over the course of ACOWAR, Nesta started reaching out more and engaging more with Prythian and the other members of the Inner Circle. She even came close to reconciling with Feyre (more on that with “Rhys and Feyre’s Responses”).
For Nesta at that point, being alone to process her thoughts and then becoming more immersed in Velaris and Prythian was the right path. It helped her find the ground again after her trauma in the Cauldron, which is very much described in WAR as a violation with similar descriptors to being raped (feeling that their body did not belong to them anymore).
And then Nesta killed Hybern.
She was built as being incredibly resistant to even the idea of war, and never wanted to fight. The IC were the fighters, she wanted to maintain the sort of innocence that came from not surrounding herself in blood.
Not only did Nesta kill Hybern, but she killed a dying man. Elain struck the fatal blow- the knife through his neck. He was done for. Because of what he’d done to their father and to Cassian, Nesta snapped and literally sawed off his head while he was still alive.
ACOFAS builds around Nesta’s thoughts of that moment, the last words Cassian thought he would ever say to her, and her own fears during that time.
The Drinking
The IC has always processed things with the assistance of alcohol. Rhys’ answer to Feyre’s marriage to Tamlin was a plan to get blackout drunk. Cassian having a bad meeting with Nesta in MAF meant he went for the liquor when he came home. Feyre fighting with Nesta in WAR earned advice from Mor that it was fine to drink directly from the bottle.
Giving Nesta space to drink all she wanted might not have seemed entirely wrong (at least, at first). Fae healing probably means over-drinking isn’t as much of a threat to their health, and it took them a while to realize and accept that Nesta wasn’t just drinking off stress, she was well on her way to becoming an alcoholic.
The Sex
If you haven’t read the ACOMAF excerpt “A Court of Wings and Embers” about Cassian and Nesta’s meeting, it revealed something about her back story that she (and Cassian) never mentioned in the core trilogy or FAS: When Nesta broke up with Thomas Mandry, he attacked her and nearly raped her. He got as far as tearing her dress before she managed to escape
In “Wings and Embers”, Nesta is even sensitive to Cassian’s normal taunts and demeanor because of that experience, she has a bit of a flashback of sorts while they’re talking and he realizes what must have happened. Nesta refuses to give him the name of the man who tried to hurt her (because he promises very sincerely that he will kill him).
For Nesta to go from that to unchecked anonymous sex ties directly into her references in ACOFAS to feeling completely numb inside. I think in forcing herself to bed some random stranger- which “Wings and Embers” makes clear is unacceptable to her- she was trying to trigger some kind of shame or horror response in herself.
She was trying to feel anything. Even if that feeling was fear.
The IC has always been sex-positive, and they didn’t have that critical piece of knowledge Cassian alone holds about Nesta’s past. So they had no hope of catching Nesta’s behavior early on as the cry for help it is.
In that vein, some people do use sex as a coping mechanism after stress or a traumatic experience (This one being killing Hybern). Nesta was lost and needed to figure out who she was after her self-image was shattered. The sex alone might not be the best way to handle it, but it didn’t raise flags for Feyre and the IC because they didn’t know the piece of Nesta’s story Cassian was pledged to secrecy over.
In ACOFAS she was slut shamed and sent to Illyrian Mountains where women are abused and treated like objects.
I really like Nesta and the way IC treats her is disgusting. Everyone in this book was OOC:
Rhysand: out of character and a douche. Too stupid and horny.
Feyre: whining about her life being perfect. Why is she whining about work but never doing any of it? Conversely, holy shit, why doesn’t this bitch get herself a fucking secretary? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a gods-damned Tootsie pop?
Azriel: creepy and predatory as hell.
Mor: will she ever catch a fucking break? Will Azriel ever take the fucking hint and move on? Will IC ever acknowledge her PTSD? Will they stop being okay with her abuser???
Lucien: joined a rock band. Feyre hates that he has friends??? Rhysand can stomach him???
Elain: talking to shadows and making some pies, it’s like an episode of Tim Burton’s Lambchopwith faerie guest stars and baked goods. Also she bought some aspirin as a Christmas present and is possibly being possessed by the Ghost of Christmas Bitchdom? More study required.
Cassian: tormented baby bat boy with a man-bun or entitled sexist pig who needs to stop thinking about his dick? Undecided; we’re still polling our constituents. Makes for a funny drunk. WTF WAS IN THE BOX??? Still wants to be in the Illyrian club even though they’re assholes, needs a self-image check.
Amren: though she is but little, she is fierce and has to pee. Loves to slut shame. Also some people can’t tell the difference between an angel and a dragon???